Part 3: Rewarding Yourself

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Related Episodes:

• Part 1: Eating Behavior Triggers
• Part 2: Making it More Difficult

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Full Episode Transcript:

Part 3: Rewarding Yourself

Hi there, welcome to the podcast and welcome to 2023. Wow, I graduated high school in 2001 and I remember thinking that it was so cool that we were now in a new Millennium. To start off the year with  a 2 in front compared to 1999 for example, felt so different.

Now, the year 2000 feels so long ago. And the 1900s, meaning 1900-1999 feels so historic. My stepson was born in the 2000s, so I can’t even imagine how he thinks of the 1900s. I’m guessing that he thinks my husband, Paul and I are just so old.

Anyway, this has nothing to do with today’s episode, which is on the third part of the behavior sequence. Hopefully you have listened to the first and second episode in this three-part series because if you have, then this is the episode that ties it all in. If you haven’t yet, definitely listen to them either now, or after you listen to this episode.

So just sort of to summarize a little bit in case you forgot, the behavior sequence is that sequence of events that is needed for a behavior to actually occur. When a behavior occurs over and over again in this same sequence, it can become a habit.

Now certainly the number of repetitions and the frequency affect if or when it does become a habit. And then once it is a habit, the more it’s done after that, the stronger that habit cycle gets.

But don’t worry, because no matter how long you’ve been doing a particular eating habit or how strong you feel it is, just as you can form that habit, you can also weaken and eventually break that habit.

And even if you feel like you’ve been trying and can’t, or you feel like you’ve gotten somewhat close, but just slip back, it’s only because you just don’t have all of the pieces of the puzzle.

You might have gotten some of the puzzle, but there may be some pieces missing and you just don’t know where they are. Meaning, you’re doing some things that are the right things, but you may not necessarily know all of the other things that are going to be super helpful and even necessary for you to break those eating habits.

If you want to get all of those pieces so you can complete that puzzle, then let’s talk. We can hop on a Zoom session and talk about where you’re struggling, where you’d love to be, and how we can get you there together. You can visit https://katemjohnston.com/consult.

Just submit a few dates and times that work for you for a free consult and we’ll talk about all of what you are struggling with and what puzzle pieces you may be missing. I don’t know why the puzzle analogy came up, but it made sense and it is winter time and puzzles are popular this time of year.

Alright, so, the third piece of the behavior sequence is the reward. Meaning, some sort of pleasure, or avoidance of pain, or conservation of energy. These are the three things in the motivational triad that from the start of time, serve as rewards that help to motivate human beings to do things. To do things that help them survive specifically.

Humans weren’t born with this thing in their brain that just told them to go and gather food and keep warm and avoid scary animals. They were however born with this internal desire to survive and there were things that happened in the brain, which included release of certain hormones, that encouraged them to do the things for survival.

Their reward was of course that they survived, but also the reward was either pleasure, avoidance of pain, or conservation of energy. Conservation of energy can either equal actually just saving effort or energy or it can mean increasing your energy with calories from food.

So, translate this to everything in life and modern day, the motivation behind the actions that we do, including eating behaviors, is pleasure, avoidance of pain or discomfort, and conservation of energy.

So, think of these as the rewards for a behavior. The behavior sequence, as you learned, starts with a trigger, something that sort of cues or prompts you to do an action or behavior. Next is the behavior itself. It must be doable. It can’t be impossible to do, otherwise you won’t do it.

Lastly, you must have some sort of a reward, right? Something to motivate you (think the motivational triad) to do the behavior and of course to do the behavior over and over again.

Back in the day, humans didn’t need to just go and hunt one single time. They needed to do this over and over again for survival.

Now, a reward can sort of be classified into immediate rewards and long-term rewards. And you can even think about this in the survival way. The humans might have done something to survive immediately like run from a bear who looked really hungry, but cumulatively all the things that they were doing for survival helped them to survive in the long-term too. Think having babies. They needed to keep the human species going, so they created other little humans.

So, with all behaviors, there is some sort of immediate reward and typically some sort of a longer-term reward. This is where it can get a little bit tricky though.

With an unhealthy eating behavior specifically, there may be an immediate reward of a very short-term pleasure or avoidance of some sort of uncomfortable emotion, and even conservation of energy, but where’s the long-term reward with an unhealthy eating behavior?

Typically, long term, there is no reward with an unhealthy eating behavior. Only short term. That short-term reward usually happens right after the eating behavior, which just makes you brain want to do that behavior again.

With a healthy eating behavior, there is definitely a long-term reward. Better health, better quality of life, more ability to feel your emotions and manage your emotions in a healthy way, and even prolongation of your life.

The thing with the healthy eating behaviors, is that the long-term reward is very well established, right? But because it’s so far away in the future, we also need something that’s more immediate to encourage us to do that healthy eating behavior over and over again. Just like how an unhealthy eating behavior typically has an immediate reward that makes your brain want to do it again and again.

If you want to break an unhealthy eating habit, what do you think you need to do? You’re going to need to have some sort of a reward right after you deliberately don’t do the eating behavior that you’re trying to decrease. Having this reward after you deliberately don’t do that eating behavior that you’re trying to do less of, encourages you to continue to deliberately not do that eating behavior.

Almost think of it like a child. Now I’m not an expert on parenting, however if you are trying to get your 8-year-old to stop sucking his or her thumb, you might give a small reward every day that your child doesn’t suck their thumb. This is going to encourage your child to not suck his or her thumb, because here she wants the reward, right?

Regarding eating behaviors, what I see some women doing, is punishing themselves for doing an unhealthy eating behavior. This is just going to make you feel bad. Feeling bad, for most people, is not going to be good fuel to help motivate you to keep going with the changes that you need to make.

So, I really encourage you to think of some sort of immediate reward that you can give yourself right after you don’t do the eating behavior that you’re trying to do less of, or, every time you do a healthier eating behavior that you’re trying to do more of.

What type of rewards are best? The speed at which you can give yourself this reward is very very important, so choose something that is quick. This can often just be something like a little internal mental celebration. It can be a smile and a few really kind words to yourself. It can be jumping up in the air and hooting and hollering. It can be telling someone nearby that you did something really great.

The quicker, the better. That’s because your brain will then be able to form a stronger association between what you did or didn’t do and that reward. If you wait too long like even an hour, it’s kind of like it’s no longer part of the behavior sequence. But when you do it immediately after the action or inaction, it’s then a really strong part of that behavior sequence.

Another type of reward that you can do fairly quickly is if you have a behavior or habit tracker either on paper or in your phone, and you can put a little check mark in a box or a circle. Studies show that this is very satisfying for humans, so this actually serves as a nice little immediate reward as well.

You can also do rewards that are a little bit more further out in addition to the immediate rewards. For example, if you have your little immediate rewards, say a little internal celebration for right after the inaction or action, but then you also have a reward for doing or not doing something for a longer period of time, that can be really helpful too. And fun! Which is a big reason why it’s helpful. If something is fun, you’re going to want to keep it up, right?

For example, you might decide that if you don’t eat doughnuts for breakfast and instead eat oatmeal, five out of the seven days of the week, then you’ll reward yourself maybe with something a little bit bigger than just an internal celebration.

What I would caution you against is choosing a food reward. This defeats the purpose. Sometimes it can work, but you typically just don’t want to confuse food and reward, because then you’ll just confuse your brain. So, I really just advise against making your reward food-related if you can.

The next thing I wanted to talk about is that long-term reward. That long-term reward is all the amazing results you’ll have if you break your bad eating habits, or even if you just add in some healthier eating habits.

So, I recommend that you really sort of sit and think about all the different areas of your life that will improve with your better eating habits. Write these things down so you can see them in front of you and really become aware of them.

Even if it’s just eating less sugar. How will things improve with your body? Maybe less bloating, maybe you’ll lose several pounds. Maybe your skin will improve. In fact, I know all of these things will happen for you, but just try to think of the things you know will likely happen but also some things you think might happen as well.

How will things improve even with your mood? Some people notice that they are in a somewhat negative mood or irritable mood when they eat a lot of sugar. A friend of mine just told me today that she’s noticed that she’s been a little bit irritable in the past 24 hours or so and she thinks it’s because she ate a lot of sugar on New Year’s Eve. This can definitely occur.

Also, if it’s affecting your health as far as maybe diabetes. Think of all the potential negative things down the road that can occur if you have diabetes or if the diabetes worsens. Right lots of different complications. Lots of time spent in the doctor’s office and maybe even the hospital. Even lots of money with copays and deductibles. Lost time at work, with family, friends.

When you think of all the different areas in your life that can improve with just one simple eating behavior change, you really start to see the magnitude of the reward, even if it’s in the future. Keep this list in a place that you can see on a daily basis. It’ll help to serve as a reminder of those long-term rewards.

This is a huge motivator to keep making the changes that you’re trying to make, for long enough that it becomes new eating habits for you. Or long enough that you’re able to break certain eating habits.

And I of course have to add in that it’s not just the end results or the end rewards that are important. it’s who you become in the process. Because you’re learning skills along the way to break those bad eating habits the right way, you’re becoming a different person.

That’s why the changes are easy to maintain long-term. Because you become the person. You evolve into the person who no longer has the same eating habits struggles. Doesn’t that sound glorious? I think so.

It’s kind of like if you’ve never been a tennis player before. If you put on some tennis clothes, you may look like a tennis player, but you haven’t actually developed the skills to be a tennis player. Same thing is true with eating habits. But once you start playing some tennis and work with a tennis instructor, you start learning those tennis skills very efficiently and turn into a tennis player.

If you are trying to lose weight for example, and you do a diet to lose 30 pounds in a very short period of time, you haven’t actually become the person who has the skills to maintain that weight loss. That’s why many people just gain it back.

When you become that person who has really addressed the eating behaviors and the different things that are the underlying causes of the eating behaviors, you’re able to maintain all of those amazing rewards. My philosophy is why put in the effort if you don’t get to keep the rewards?

So, if you want to do this, then let’s talk. There’s no better time than now. Putting it off does not serve you. You’re just delaying all of those rewards that you can start having now. If you’re ready, then let me know when a good time would be to talk by visiting https://katemjohnston.com/consult. You can also do so by visiting the episode page.

Take care, thanks for joining me in this 3-part series and I’ll talk with you soon.